Having to listen to other people’s “advice” is exhausting, especially when it mostly consists of “Have you tried…?”or “This person is/has/was/… and X healed them!”
It all makes my skin crawl with annoyance.
Worst of all though is the “Just be positive,” “I’m sure it will pass,” and “You’ll get better” statements.
What part of “chronic” do people not understand?
I’m literally watching my body deteriorate before my eyes. Not being able to intervene and having to look at the fact that this is probably as good as it gets, since I’ve realized my future holds more pain, wheelchairs, doctors, treatments, appointments and an even worse social life. Hearing those well-meant words is a painful reminder of my situation. People just seem to not listen and I end up accommodating them to avoid conflict and possibly hurting them with the agonizing truth.
Friends leave. They give up and realize we don’t have anything in common anymore as they go pub crawling, while I literally crawl between the bathroom and my bed. I try to keep up and I desperately want to, but physically it’s impossible for me.
I sometimes get stuck in the pit of pitying myself and the whirlwind of thoughts it accompanies. I didn’t ask to be born this way. I didn’t wish for my life to turn out this way. I try to make the best of it, but the very unfair comparison of my peers to myself pulls me right back. It’s heart-wrenching knowing I should be able to keep up with their pace, but I can’t.
I know there are a lot of people like me out there. People with similar thoughts and experiences, but I still feel alienated and lonely –like no one understands, like I’m alone.